To Eat Food That Loves You Back
All my life, I’ve suffered from the disease of unrequited love. I figured it was just my karma, with my natal Saturn on the descendant and Neptune disillusioning and dissolving my fifth house. Until my most recent Neptune transit, I was a hopeless romantic who had accepted her fate of unrequited love for food; her fate that no matter how much she loved what she put into her body, it wouldn’t dare love her back. My bemusing question for us all this week: How does Venus being in Leo relate to food, considering her glorious inconjunct to transiting Neptune in Pisces? Oh, and let's not forget it's Cancer season.
The essence of the Leo mysteries is to practice radical, radiant self-love, and the student of these mysteries must learn to recollect and remember all that which she has projected onto food as Other. As much as food may be otherized, our relationship to it is a direct reflection of our relationship to ourselves. Giving food the power to hate you, make you feel tired, unproductive, shameful even...is to estrange ourselves from the pure love our bodies originally came here to receive.
We constantly outsource authority to food. We allow it to affect us in ways that we would never allow from our kin. We tolerate its abuse in ways that would infuriate any good mama bear. We must stop outsourcing work to our food; asking it to supply us with the resources needed to digest life and even ourselves, as we begin to eat ourselves away. We must stop (ab)using food as a convenient excuse for underworld journeys, from which we may never return. We must start insourcing this digestive fire, utilizing the resources we have within our bodies in order to assimilate life and its attendant load. Because the truth is, to love oneself fully is to realize that nothing outside of you can or will agree to do the work on your behalf...not even the seemingly easy work of pitying you. It will gladly accept your hospitality, but it will not move any weight for you which you could not move yourself.
Think about it… When you invite guests over for dinner, do you force them to do the dishes, or do they volunteer out of sheer will and kindness of heart? Well, depends on the type of guest. More often than not, I’ve demanded that my food play custodian in my temple, and end up frustrated and angry when it refuses to comply to my terms. I have to ask myself… Why would a house guest obey my requests, when it never agreed to come here in the first place? It’s not like my food is a refugee seeking asylum. I’ve effectively deported them from their own homes, and now I’m asking them to do my dishes against their will? Of course I’m going to be upset when the results come out sub-par.
There’s an alternative scenario to the above, which I’m currently activating upon my Venus return. What I’m seeing is that it’s possible to choose food that has already signed a tacit agreement to love us unconditionally, so long as it’s permitted space within us to love. By doing my own dishes, I get to eat food that doesn’t even require a dishwasher.
Leo is getting herself ready for a tremendous fast during Virgo season. Virgo hastens our willingness to surrender to self-discipline and reclaim the immense Eden project for ourselves; that is to weed our own gardens rather than rely on the Great Mother to do it for us. Virgo shows complete devotion to manifesting the image of their beloved fruit, and they do this through their own integrity and self-possession. They take accountability for themselves, which is indeed onerous, but at least it’s perfect accounting and there’s no more burden on the fruits.
To go raw is to bow in humility to the sacred flame within, the ability to digest life without resistance, to eliminate the pain and dis-ease. This fire will burn so brightly that it may express itself fiercely and unapologetically through the porous nature of your being. Don’t be surprised when these symptoms show themselves to you. They are heralding you for your courage to show up and sit with your Self, not out of obligation but out of autonomy. To respect the autonomous nature of Nature is to allow our bodies to speak to us, and the more we load its lungs with extra weight, the weaker its cry for collaboration.
With Neptune in Pisces right now, there is a naughtorious glorification of addiction to punishment, as we bind ourselves to our food (or rather bind itself to our image, resulting in body dysmorphia). We eat food that is no longer rewarding; it does not give us lasting satisfaction, and sometimes it doesn't even give us a glimpse of ecstasy.
Neptune in Pisces shows us that the way in which we relate to our food is the way in which we relate to ourselves. If we choose to eat food that doesn't make us suffer, we lift a burden off our Self so that it may assume responsibility for that which it does not yet know it is responsible. Then it may maximize our collective potential, allowing our energy to flow freely through us, with us expecting nothing in return, other than its unconditional love.